tell 'em why you mad son

Divine Intervention: (Wikipedia)* A term for a miracle caused by a deity’s active involvement in the human world.

(Urban Dictionary) When the hand of God comes down from heaven to stop motherfucking bullets.

*Note: there was no Merriam-Webster definition found for this word/term.

I was raised in a religious household, but I wouldn’t consider myself a religious person. Spiritual probably, but not religious. And if you don’t know the difference between being religious and spiritual then I will have to explain that in a future post. Anyway, this week has been crazy, literally. I debated on which word I was going to use for this post until the following happened to me this evening:

I was on my way home. We’ve had a very interesting house guest this week who is suffering from what the folks in my household like to refer to as “challenges”, aka mental health issues. Well, when I got home I noticed that there was no car in the driveway, which meant that neither my mom or stepdad were at home. That meant that our houseguest dealing with “challenges” was at home. I had been trying to avoid our houseguest all day, really all week because they had been scaring the shit out of me and giving me anxiety since they arrived. Once I pulled up to the house and realized that only the crazy person was home, I quickly pulled a U-turn and left.

I sometimes have a tendency to be a little bit of an emotional eater when I’m stressed so I decided the best place for me to go was to Whole Foods so that I could get some of their jolly beans, which are only available during the Easter season. I passed the one Whole Foods closest to my house because they were closing in five minutes and I figured they wouldn’t let me in. So I drove about five more minutes down the street to another Whole Foods that was still open for another hour. Even though I was going to get some candy, I was still being health conscious and noticed that I had not achieved my step goal for the day after looking at my Garmin Vivo Smart. I said to myself, “If you’re going to go ahead and be a fat ass, at least balance it out and take the stairs down from the parking lot instead of the elevator. Even things out.” So I did.

Great. I’m at Whole Foods, felling good. Just walk/jogged down 6 flights of stairs. See the store is still open and far from crowded. Perfect! I find the bulk aisle that the jolly beans are kept in. Now I’m getting excited. Walked down the entire aisle, NO JOLLY BEANS. Walk back down the aisle again, no jolly beans. Walk around the ENTIRE store. NO. JOLLY. BEANS. WTF?! The first thing out of mouth after this discovery was, “This ain’t nothing but GOD!” Even though I was in this store at 9pm chasing a fiercely vanishing dream of jolly beans, I had enough sense to know that I had no business being out all night over some stupid candy. So, I settled for some dark chocolate covered almonds. I thought maybe this would be a little healthier anyway (don’t judge me). I pay for my almonds and head towards the door.

Now this is where my point about divine intervention comes in. As I’m heading out the door, I remember that I still haven’t reached my step goal, so I decide to take the stairs back up to the parking lot. After climbing the first flight of stairs I get a little anxious and reach into the bag to try one of the second option chocolate covered almonds. Reached in the bag, pulled out an almond. It was delicious. Continued climbing up the stairs. Suddenly, as I’m walking, I drop the entire motherfucking bag of dark chocolate covered almonds. That was all GOD and I couldn’t even be mad. GOD intervened when he saw me about to partake in glutinous behavior. He knew I had been trying to eat and live healthy and took that candy right away from me so that I wouldn’t ruin all of my hard efforts.

See, had I just went into the house anyway after seeing that there was no car in the driveway, I would have never gone to Whole Foods. Had I never went to Whole Foods, I wouldn’t have wasted six dollars on candy. My ass should have been at home. Stayed at home. But that candy falling out of my hand was GOD’s way of showing me how I was doing something I should not have been doing in the first place. GOD knew what he was doing.

To anyone who says that they don’t believe in GOD or some other higher power, remember this story the next time you do something and things don’t end up as planned. Look back and ask yourself, “Was I doing something that I should not have been doing in the first place? Did I just get saved from being involved in a terrible, messed up situation? Did I just dodge a bullet?” If your answer to the last question is yes, then you might have just experienced divine intervention.