tell 'em why you mad son

Insecure: (Merriam Webster) Not confident about yourself or your ability to do things well: nervous and uncomfortable.

(Urban Dictionary) Someone who insults others to hide their own weaknesses.

From time to time, we all struggle with some sort of insecurity. These insecurities can range anywhere from weight, to personal appearance, all the way to job performance and relationships.  Although we all struggle with insecurities, it is important for us to understand the underlying cause for the insecurity, and not allow for the deeper issue to consume you. Just like I explained in my previous post titled, “Unresolved”, if you allow for your insecurities to consume you without dealing with the underlying issue, your insecurity can manifest itself in negative ways, and reveal itself in how you deal with other people.

A few months ago, I went to a birthday dinner with a blended group of friends. Some people I knew, and others I didn’t know. Since I didn’t know some of the people attending dinner, I sat between my best friend and the birthday boy. Across from me sat the birthday boy’s best friend, who I met once before but didn’t know very well. Although I didn’t know him personally, his reputation proceeded him and not in a good way. While he was making conversation with the rest of the men at the table, my BFF and I sparked up our own conversation. All of a sudden my BFF and I hear, “Are you guys talking about me?” My BFF and I both looked up to the guy sitting across from me who was staring intensely at us. “Are you guys talking about me?” he asked again. Of course we weren’t talking about him, we were just having our own conversation about girl stuff. “Um, NOBODY is talking about you.” my friend replied. This situation should have just ended with a, “Oh I was just joking with you guys.” or a “Oh you weren’t talking about me? Ok cool.” Instead, this situation was the beginning of this dude getting his feelings hurt in front of his friends because he didn’t want to keep his insecurities in check and instead wanted to deflect them onto me.

All throughout dinner, this guy, my friend, and I had several choice exchanges with each other. At one point this guy even openly admitted that he had several insecurities that he didn’t know how to deal with, which caused him to be the asshole he was. I’m not exactly sure what made the conversation go left when it did, but the last thing I could remember this guy saying to me before I officially lost it was, “Even if I were to try and date you, I look and dress better than you, I probably make more money than you….” First of all, what man compares how he dresses or looks to a woman? The only men I know who do this are drag queens who are trying to make sure they have blended and padded properly. I don’t even think I caught all of what he said before I went in for the kill. Everyone at the table got dead quiet when they saw me take a deep breath and point my finger in the air. “First of all, even on my WORST day, you could NEVER get my phone number. Secondly, you would get your feelings hurt everyday having to deal with me since your ass is so insecure.” I went IN. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. A week later the birthday boy told me that I had actually made his friend cry when I checked him about his rude comments.

We all struggle with insecurities, however, when you begin to deflect your insecurities onto someone else, it makes you nothing short of an asshole. This guy was using every chance he had to try to project his personal feelings on to me instead of dealing with his insecurities on his own personal time. When you don’t deal with and resolve insecurities you have, they begin to manifest themselves in ways that become visible to everyone around you. Insecurities can cause you to be miserable, mean, vindictive, and downright rude. This guy at dinner had insecurities that also affected his relationships. This guy had issues with woman when he was a kid and now in turn has been known to beat his girlfriends.

How do your insecurities affect you? Did you even realize that you may have had insecurities? How do you plan on dealing with your insecurities from now on? Having insecurities is normal, it is a part of being human. Just don’t allow your insecurities to create unnecessary dram for yourself, or get you embarrassed in front of a group of friends because you tried to project your insecurities on to someone else.